


Boar Crazy

by TheDeathEcchi



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Batshit crazy almost murder, F/M, Friendship, Humor, Uncle Roadhog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-01
Updated: 2016-09-01
Packaged: 2018-08-12 09:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7929190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDeathEcchi/pseuds/TheDeathEcchi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes she forgot that Roadhog, despite technically working for them, used to be a killer with almost no regard for human life. Who delighted in pain and suffering and destruction, and was more than happy to shed blood at any opportunity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Boar Crazy

**Author's Note:**

> I love writing these two. Good together in battle, good together on paper~

There was a perfectly good explanation for the three half-dead bodies in the street, and the smoldering wreckage that had once been a fancy car, now all fire and twisted metal and massive future repair bills (if any of it could be salvaged). 

It had started out simply. It was Hana's turn to get groceries for the team, and since they were in hostile territory ("Ain't everywhere hostile terr'try for outlaws loike us?" Junkrat had asked.), it was elected she would be chaperoned. By Roadhog.

The decision was met with worry, of course. After all, trusting a 48-year old sociopath with a hook and a scrap gun with the safety of a teenage gamer might not have seemed like the wisest decision, but if he could keep safe Junkrat, someone who seemed keen on setting new records for endangering his own life, then Hana was in good hands.

That and everyone, literally everyone else they could ask, was busy. 

"This sucks." Hana crossed her arms and pouted as she walked the streets. She'd tried power-walking in an attempt to distance herself from the hulk of a man, but he'd, amazingly, kept pace with her. She'd tried distracting him, but he was ever vigilant, and bribing him didn't work, either (who turns down a lifetime supply of chips and soda?). Like it or not, she was stuck with him. And she didn't like it.

Roadhog's response was to huff and keep walking. Babysitting wasn't exactly part of his job detail. Then again, his employer was Junkrat, so at least he'd been prepared.

For almost anything.

"Why does this place have to be so far away?" bemoaned the Korean, kicking a stone out of the way as they rounded the corner. "I could've gotten here by myself. I have my light gun. I didn't need you." She jabbed a finger at Roadhog, the junker saying nothing, just continued walking.

Roadhog was about to snap back when a gleaming, glossy black car pulled up next to them. As it slowed, a young man with slicked-back hair and a face that all but screamed 'entitled' poked his head out of the window. 

"Hey, girlie," he drawled, flashing Hana what he assumed to be a roguish grin but looked more like a ravenous leer. "Watcha doin' all the way out here? Heaven's back that way." He laughed at his own joke, while Hana inwardly made a gagging sound.

"Scram," she said. "Cheese is for chips, not lines."

"Ooh, fiesty. I like that." He motioned for whoever was driving to pull around, the car effectively blocking their path. Once parked, three people stepped out, the driver, someone from the back, and the boy who couldn't take a hint.

"You got a name, cutie?" asked the lanky driver, more bone and sinew than actual tone, draped in a leather jacket far too big for him.

"Yes, it's Don't Bother," hissed Hana. "It's Swedish."

"Ooh, exotic." laughed the meatball of a driver, waddling over to join his buddies.

"Babo..."

The gamer heard the telltale jingle of Roadhog gripping his hook. While she'd love nothing more than to see him turn these creeps into statistics, they needed to keep a low profile. It was then the trio took notice of the junker.

"And what's the deal with pops, here? Don't tell me you two are together." The three burst into laughter, leaning against the car for support. Roadhog's grip on his book tightened, knuckles turning the faintest traces of white.

"What he is is none of your business." snapped Hana. "Now will you beat it, already? If I wanna deal with a bunch of loud, obnoxious idiots, I'll go on the Internet."

"She's sure got a mouth on her, huh?" Slick-Back chuckled, advancing on the Korean. His two friends followed until they circled the pair. "Someone oughta show her how to use it."

And then Driver did something that threw out all pretense of a low profile. He smacked Hana on the ass.

In the time it took Hana to swear viciously in Korean and draw her light gun, Driver had flown across the street and smashed into a light pole, denting it, and fell to the ground, unconscious. The gamer turned to see Roadhog, his face pulled into a scowl, meaty fist dripping with blood from where he'd broken Driver's nose.

"Holy shit, run, dude!" screamed Slick-Back, scrambling back into the car, Lanky rushing to the driver seat and peeling away. Or at least, tried to.

They'd gotten no more than half a meter when Roadhog threw out his hook, latching to the underside of the car. With barely any effort, he yanked the car back like a fisherman hooking the catch of the day. Both boys released a high-pitched scream as their car sailed through the air before crashing on the street with a thunderous boom. 

Lanky had been knocked unconscious, but Slick-Back was still pulling at his seatbelt when Roadhog tromped over, glaring down at him through his mask. "Hey, back up, you fat bastard!" wailed the offender. "Y-You know how much money I have? You can't touch me, you sonuva--" Roadhog was all too happy to prove him wrong as he punched through the windshield, grabbed the mouthy teen by the scruff of his shirt, and yank him out of the car. Hefting his scrap gun, he pointed it dead-center at his face--

"Wait!" Roadhog turned to see Hana racing towards him, frantic. "Low profile! Don't kill him!"

Roadhog grumbled something she couldn't catch and lowered his gun. 

To the boy's leg.

A loud bang of shrapnel, an earsplitting scream later, and the boy was clutching his now shredded and bleeding leg. Roadhog holstered his gun, turning to face an aghast Hana.

"He'll live." he rasped. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out something she recognized as one of Junkrat's cherry bombs. Popping open the hood of the car, he tossed it in, and pulled out the unconscious Lanky and wounded Slick-Back, tossing them into the street like trash. Shortly after, the engine exploded, enveloping the car in flames.

"Let's go." He moved towards Hana, who backed away slightly, eyes brimming with fear. Though her light gun was held limply at her side, he noticed the safety was still off, her fingers twitching slightly, as if she would fire at any second.

Sometimes she forgot that Roadhog, despite technically working for them, used to be a killer with almost no regard for human life. Who delighted in pain and suffering and destruction, and was more than happy to shed blood at any opportunity.

Sometimes he forgot how that looked to others. Even if one of those others was an admittedly tough teenage mech pilot.

Sighing, Roadhog knelt down and fixed Hana with what he hoped was a comforting gaze. And that it was at least partially decipherable through the mask. He couldn't believe he was about to do what he was about to do.

"Wanna ride on my shoulders?"

The look of glee that spread across Hana's face made his heart soar.

Not that he'd ever admit it.

**Author's Note:**

> Babo = fool


End file.
